When the Sun Doesn’t Shine
by xSummonerYunax
Summary: Zellphie. Selphie reflects on how she has made the biggest mistake of her life and ends up losing the one person who really mattered in the end


A/N:Written for the Zellphie Rev. 8/8/08. Enjoy!

When the Sun Doesn't Shine

Do you ever wonder if the person you thought who was your soul mate was anything but that?

I wonder about that a lot, and as of late, I know that the person I was with was not the person I was _meant _to be with. I was seventeen at the time when I made the decision to be with him. I was young and naïve back then, thinking that a simple crush, no…perhaps it was an infatuation, could bloom into something called _love_. I've always longed for what Squall and Rinoa had. They had something beautiful and pure, they had something called love, but I didn't. Squall treats Rinoa like a little porcelain doll, but not that she needed to be treated like that though. She is strong willed and independent. For Hyne's sake, she's a sorceress and could have Squall on his knees begging for dear mercy if she wanted to.

As I reflect on the times I've seen how happy they were together for the past eight years, I realize I envy them a lot, and more so recently than ever. I know Rinoa will never have to worry about Squall not being there for her. If she ever needed him, he would be there in a heartbeat, forgetting about everything else, even the world perhaps. That thought makes me smile. Who would've ever thought that the dark and brooding Squall we all knew was mush beneath his hard exterior.

I was at their wedding, and it was the most beautiful thing I have ever speculated. I knew in my heart at that moment that Squall and Rinoa were going to make it against all obstacles and that their love would thrive and conquer whatever hardships they may face in the future. I was certain about that. The funny thing is that I have always felt more confident about their relationship than my own.

And so I became extremely jealous but happy at the same time for them.

From one friend to another, I've told Rinoa many times that she was the luckiest woman ever because Squall would always be there for her, no matter what.

I smile sadly and place a hand on my swelling stomach; thinking that I could never even get a fraction of the affection and love Squall gave to Rinoa.

I see Rinoa and Quistis walking up to me and I quickly fake a cheery smile and drop my hand to my side. We all grin at each other, preparing to celebrate another joyous event. They stand on either side of me and take my hand into their own, squeezing my palm gently as we wait. Squall stands next to Rinoa and I see that they cannot keep their eyes off each other. I look to my other side and see Seifer standing proudly beside Quistis. He stares at Quistis' stomach with the most heartfelt expression I have ever seen from him. They were expecting a newborn as well.

As the bells chime and a surge of wind whips through the open doors of the white chapel, a slim figure in a beautiful white and gold wedding dress walks through the gate. Her light brown hair is tied up in a small bun beneath her veil and her brilliant green eyes shine with joy behind her glasses. She walks slowly and elegantly towards the altar, where a calm and awestruck Zell is waiting speechlessly.

I feel my heart burn and twist within my chest as I helplessly watch the person who could have been the one for me marrying another woman.

I rarely go to the library, but Rinoa told me she was a really sweet and nice person. I should be happy for him, for them, but I can't say that I am.

Zell and I became really good friends after our first meeting on our SeeD mission. He used to flirt with me a lot and I would do the same, but we never took that playfulness further. I think deep down we were both too shy and scared to transcend beyond friends. I did get the sense that he wanted to pursue something further with me, and a part of me wanted the same thing until Irvine came into the picture. I became so infatuated with Irvine that I became blind to everything else, even blinded to the one man who could have became my soul mate. With years of aging come wisdom and experience, and now I see everything so much clearer. I see now that Zell and I could have been more than just friends, and something in my heart told me that we would have worked out.

He had always been impulsive, fiery, but he knew his limits as well. After he saw that Irvine and I were becoming closer, I think he knew that I was happy, and he didn't want to do anything to come between us. I thought I was happy too, but that happiness faded. I never gave Zell the chance he wanted, the chance he deserved to make me happy, and now it was too late.

I watch with longing in my eyes as the bride before us all walks closer and closer to Zell with each graceful step she takes.

One week before I married Irvine, Zell summoned the courage to confess his true feelings for me, the feelings he had locked within him for five years because he didn't want to disrupt what Irvine and I already had. I was so furious with him because against my better judgment, I thought he was trying to sabotage my wedding. Zell and Irvine never got along well, and I think it was because Zell always knew in the back of his mind that Irvine would end up hurting me one day. Zell used to tell me stuff that I just couldn't believe. I didn't want to believe that the man that I claimed to love was seeing other women behind my back. I accused Zell of lying to me and I said things to him that I didn't know I was capable of saying. Needless to say, our friendship was strained and we became strangers to each other. I distanced myself away from him because I wanted to protect Irvine and our love more than anything. I was a fool.

Zell drew closer to the "girl with the pigtails" from then on.

Eight months ago, Irvine admitted to me that he had been with other women behind my back. He started to act even more suspicious when we were married- his drinking habits, the late nights out, neglecting me. On the night he told me he had been cheating on me for a very long time, I furiously took off my wedding band and threw it in his face. I turned my back, and without a word I fled out of our house. I never saw or heard from him again after that night.

I lost my happiness, my spark, and my charm. Selphie Tilmitt died that night.

I felt like I had lost everything that night. I lost my husband, my sanity, my dreams, and my chance at real love.

Zell was right, but I was too ashamed to tell him that. He had been watching out for me all along, watching from afar like a quiet guardian with eyes keener than Squall's.

I feel Rinoa and Quistis releasing their hands from me as cheers erupted throughout the entire chapel. I look up, and before my eyes were Zell and his wife kissing in front of the priest.

Their vows were exchanged and waiting for them now was a road of a promising future, and I was not going to be part of his journey.

I watch as Zell and his wife part to smile at the audience. Their eyes roam about the crowd and that is when his steel blue gaze fell upon my emerald one. I feel like time is frozen and there is no one in the room but us. He watches me intently with a solemn face, momentarily forgetting about his bride. I step out from the crowd and brush a hand across my stomach.

My gaze never left his, and I mouth, "I'm sorry" to him.

-Fin


End file.
